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Getting Back Together - Steps on How to Save
#85 (In Topic #78)

A lot of people worry about going to relationship His Secret Obsession counselling. Somehow that you can fix it yourself or that you should be able to resolve this, because you are an adult. Having a counsellor that offers useful and constructive insights that help you understand the process that you are going through and lets you take control of your state of mind and you place in the relationship.There is no doubt that to resuscitate a relationship will take difficult work, some of it painful or hard to hear. Yet, it is only by being honest and realistic about the relationship that both of you can move forward. Communication is the root of so many of the relationship problems see in therapy. Communication in this instance means more than just a conversation. In a relationship it is the glue, which lets you know that you are valued and loved. Perhaps, someone asks their partner to do the washing up, being frustrated and angry when they leave it, only to discover in counselling that they feel that you always criticise them for the way in which you wash and stack the dishes. Knowing that piece of information allows a sensible dialogue to take place.

We grow to know our partners over the years, and we begin to make assumptions about them, what they like what they are thinking and so on. Many studies have shown that couples do indeed have a better understanding of each other, yet it isn't 100% accurate. Joan gets stressed by Alan's family she feels judged by them. She has a difficult demanding job and often arrives home tired. Alan's family is coming over for dinner, Andy assumes Joan will be tired and offers to get take out for the meal so Joan can relax before his parents arrive. Joan assumes that Andy doesn't think she is a good enough cook and is angry with him all night. This is a good example of how a good intention is derailed by assuming and not checking.
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